The Struggle is Real

I am SO…………sick of this!!! Let me just clarify. I have never been someone to sit around, lazy or weak person. I grew up on a ranch were I busted my butt day in and day out and never had the opportunity to be bored let alone lazy. I was always the hyperactive one outside doing something and playing all the time. In college I broke and trained horses in order to pay for my gas to and from school, etc. I also would get up at 4:30 to be at school at the fitness center when it opened at 6 so I could work out before my 8 am class, which was followed by two pretty intense workout classes and the more academics. When I got home I would work horses feed and then proceed to the basement to my workout equipment to work out again. Now??? I can’t hardly make supper without getting totally exhausted!

I’m so very tired of all this. I am not the same person I used to be… I used to never be anxious or get depressed. I am goofy at heart and adore laughing but I have a hard time even smiling now. 😦 I am ashamed. I hate feeling weak and that is exactly what I am at this moment…

I’m so tired all the time now and the pain never totally goes away. If it wasn’t for ibuprofen, migraine med and aspirin, I don’t know how I would get through work. I just want to figure out what the heck is wrong with me and hopefully figure out a way to fix it!!! I am suppose to be able to take care of my man and the household and its all I can manage to do. I feel like he takes care of me more now than I him. Heck he almost had to carry me to bed last night after a particularly bad spell left me totally exhausted. ( I am just way to hard headed to let him help me that much! Though I will admit he helped me get there.) I want to be normal, healthy……I would just like some answers….

This seems to be a tougher journey than I thought it would be when I initially began this blog. I don’t know where it might lead but I suppose we shall just have to see.


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